The Dishwasher

I know there are people out there who think I am whining. There's probably nothing much I can say to change their minds. I try to put into words what this experience is like for a hearing person, but unless you have lived it, you're never really going to know.

Today I truly feel like there I have a dishwasher churning away beside my left ear. There is no dishwasher. I am hearing the same noise with or without the CI processor. I asked my sister if there was anything in the environment that could possibly be causing this sound and there isn't, which I knew, but felt I had to ask anyway.

Anything that could be causing this, like a real dishwasher, maybe a washer or dryer, or even the fishtank would not be audible to me without the CI. And I am "hearing" it even without the CI. So it is a phantom dishwasher. I did a web search and read a blog by another CI user who had the same issue after activation, and she had some comments after her blog by other CI users who also said they did as well. So "phantom noises" are apparently not uncommon after implant activation, but they are very frustrating. They are supposed to go away after awhile, but that could be in 5 minutes, in an hour, tomorrow, or even weeks from now.

It feels almost intolerable today. Recently I read an article about a man who committed suicide several months after getting tinnitus and today I can understand why he felt driven to do that because if this freaking dishwasher noise were to freaking never go away, it would drive me FREAKING insane.

Seriously, hearing people. Think about a loud dishwashing machine and what it would feel like to have it roaring in your ear all the time!!!

I don't know what to do.

I want a drink. I really want a drink. I want a glass of red wine or a beer or something that is going to shut up this phantom dishwasher!

If I get some Nyquil, will I have to pick up a white chip???