Cinematic Masterpiece

This blog is not for the easily offended. Do not read this if you are under 18 or on the prudish side. You've been warned.

So, I've gone from hearing imaginary tinktinktinktinktink sounds to imaginary grand, sweeping majestic music, like the kind that fills a movie theater as the film's title rolls. I feel like I am getting ready to step onto the silver screen - Carolyn Schmid STARRING IN The Ballad of the Cochlear Implant.

Wow. You know how all cinematic masterpieces get really bad porn spin-offs? Oh come on, you know... like Forrest Hump? Star Whores? Sperms of Endearment? Not that I would know from actually having watched such filth! Really! I pick up on things in my travels. But anyway, mine would even have a great porn spin-off - The Balling of the Cocklear Implant! Hahahahahaha! So it would be destined to become an Oscar winner or at least a cult classic!

Um, sometimes I seriously cannot believe I have a mind that works this way. I need deep, intensive psychological therapy. Or maybe a lobotomy.

I hope my mom doesn't read this blog. Or my brother.

All day yesterday I kept thinking I was hearing music. And thunder. Rolling thunder. I'm still hearing imaginary thunder, but the music has vanished.

In a battle between my hearing aid and the cochlear implant, the hearing aid is still winning in the superiority of the sound it gives me mainly because with the CI I am still having enormous difficulty differentiating different sounds when more than one is reaching my ears simultaneously. The CI is making small gains, though. I was able to pick out some lyrics in The Little Drummer Boy while listening and driving, I heard running water even more clearly, and my nephew played O Christmas Tree for me on the piano and I identified the song! My hearing aid has not even been in my ear for almost a week. I'm forcing my left ear to step up to the plate, as recommended by my audiologist.

I've been researching on the web and am feeling comforted by what I find. This page from the Dallas Ear Institute was especially enlightening - http://www.dallasear.com/webdocuments/CI-expectations-adult.pdf, especially this part -

"Our highest performers took from 6-10 weeks to adjust to the implant and did not need long-term therapy. Others are still receiving weekly therapy after 2 years of implant use. There is no way we can predict any person's adjustment to the device or the amount of therapy that will be needed. Many find the first few weeks or months to be disappointing, discouraging, and sometimes depressing. It is important to anticipate this potentially frustrating adjustment period so that you will continue to work hard with your implant and persevere with the programming and therapy."

So I think I am doing pretty good for 8 days later!