A Blog By Any Other Name

I tried to think of a clever blog name and let me tell you, that was tough. All the cool names that popped into my head are already taken. Purple Cow? Gone. Wonder Muffin? Taken. My "Bad" Life (which I wanted to be a play on Bipolar, Alcoholic, Deaf)? Yeah, right.

So then I started inputting every combination of words that had anything to do with things I like and "Psychedelic Sunflower" was the first free one. I was so excited to finally have a catchy - and available - name that I didn't really think of the ramifications. It's trying a little too hard, isn't it? I've opened myself up for a lot of teasing. It's kinda me, though. Anyone over 30 who picks lime green for their cochlear implant processor color has a touch of psychedelia in their personality. I think I will keep it.

I've tried blogs before and never stuck with them. Anyone who remotely knows me won't be surprised at that. Follow-through is not my strong point. I have a lot of goals for this blog, though - achieving lasting weight loss and physical fitness, managing my bipolar symptoms, dealing with recovery from alcoholism and finally, sharing my cochlear implant experience with my friends and interested acquaintances.

That's a lot, huh?

Any one of those would be big. Weight loss. Deafness. Bipolar Disorder. Alcoholism. And I have all four to contend with. Almost makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb. I was never a thumb sucker, though. That was my brother and sister. My brother especially. My sister was also a hair twirler. And she liked to chew on non-edible things, including the feet of her Barbie dolls. I was not a sucker of thumbs, chewer of non-edibles or twirler of hair, but ... I seem to be getting off-track here ... rearrange! Focus! Deafness! Cochlear implant!!

I lost most of my hearing when I was four. Meningitis. I'm 42 now. I have no discernible hearing in my left ear. My right ear has a loss in the severe-profound range and I have worn a hearing aid in that ear for 38 years. I've managed to get by just fine and thanks to a sharp mind and keen intellect (thanks Mom and Dad!), I've been pretty successful.

I'm an exception.

I didn't know the statistics of this until I started take classes in Deaf Ed, but most deaf people with, oh, a moderate or worse hearing loss typically are not close to equivalent to most of their hearing peers. As students, their reading levels are significantly lower and they are much more likely to go on to both forgo college and accept lower paying, more menial jobs.

So I have been lucky.

Nevertheless, even though I grew up in the hearing world, I have always thought of myself as "deaf," probably more so as an adult. I have a strong sympathy for Deaf culture and individuals and the idea of a cochlear implant was actually pretty repellant to me for a long time. Deaf culture... that's a whole other blog post or two. We won't get into it here.

When I started taking Deaf Ed classes, I was exposed to a lot of information about CIs that I wouldn't have sought out on my own. I also had a wonderful classmate named Megan who has two children with hearing loss. Her daughter is bilaterally implanted and the impact on her life has been amazing. My thinking started to shift from "CIs are evil" to "Maybe CIs can be life-changing for some people."

Then one weekend in July 2011, my cousin Janet came up from Florida. She was my mother's brother's daughter and I had never met her before. More relatives joined the fun. I remember sitting in the blue chair in my mom's living room, all these excited, happy voices flying past me in multiple conversations, and feeling utterly and totally alone. It has been like that for me a lot in my life. And I thought, "Why not a CI? If it would help me be a part of life and not some person who has to lurk on the outskirts of most social activities, why not?"

And on November 15, 2011, I had a cochlear implant done on my left ear.

MTC.