ToEs, ToAs, and GoAs!

One day after dubbing my cochlear implant a ToE - Thing of Evil - I feel much more benevolent towards it, courtesy of a visit with a new audiologist. (Thank you, thank you, thank you, Kate, for asking me to please get in touch with him and get a second opinion!)

One of the first things Audiologist 2.0, henceforth known as A2, no wait, that is not impressive enough. He is a God of Audiology... Audiology God. GoA? AG? No, not AG, that makes me think of Attorney General, which makes me think of Ken Cuccinelli, which makes my stomach spasm. I like GoA, we'll go with GoA. So, GoA told me almost immediately to put in my hearing aid again! He was a little surprised to hear that the other audiologist told me otherwise. He said, "This is not a race. If it benefits you, use it. This is hard enough without making it more difficult than it needs to be." He told me my brain would eventually adapt to the CI and while it may take longer if I am wearing the hearing aid also, it would also happen more naturally. Or more "organically" as a friend of mine likes to say because it sounds more intellectual and impressive (you know who you are).

GoA said that people with bilateral implants tend to do best, then people with 1 implant and 1 hearing aid, and then people with the CI only. My hearing aid does not need to be my enemy!

I almost swooned on the spot upon hearing that. My hearing aid! Green light! Go! I couldn't wait to put on my hearing aid again!

GoA took a lot of time to explain to me what is happening in my brain. I really liked one way he put it - my brain is building a new library of sound. The Other Audiologist ... ToA ha! ... didn't really go over a lot of information with me. I felt like I was pitched into the deep end of the pool without any swimming lessons. Now I still kind of feel like I am in the deep end of the pool and can't swim ... but at least I can tread water and not drown until I learn the freestyle or the backstroke.

GoA also explained that part of the difficulty is that with the CI, my brain is putting familiar sounds in the background and focusing on unfamiliar sounds and that is why noise seems to be all I am hearing.

GoA also said that while being such a good speech reader as I am is advantageous in many ways, that it's probably making it tougher for me in adjusting to the CI because I rely so much on visual cues. He said that people who are good speech readers tend to take longer to adapt to CIs than people who are not. He wants me to try things like watching television without the caption.

He also said that the typical person needs about 3 months before they even start to feel they are adapting. It hasn't even been 3 months for me.

Why the heck was I feeling so rushed and pressured and stressed and like a big, fat failure???

GoA also did another mapping and turned down some of the higher frequencies. He says the goal is to have them at the same volume as lower frequencies, but that can take longer and that is okay.

I feel SO much better.

Tragically, I could not put on my hearing aid as soon as I got home because as some of you may remember, my sister hid it by my request.

A few hours later I happened to glance at a wooden heart container on the bar in the kitchen and I immediately thought, "I bet Kelly put it in there." I know my sister and she would not want to put it too far out of reach just in case I really needed it. She didn't even want to take it from me in the first place!

I lifted the lid and there it was, nestled among other odds and ends.

Putting on my hearing aid was like sinking down into a warm bubble bath. Throwing on flannel pajamas straight from the dryer when it is snowing outside. Relaxing into a massage chair while having a pedicure. So comforting. I missed it and it felt good to have some familiar sound come back without feeling like I was jeopardizing the future success of the implant.

And as for tacking the television without closed caption ... I feel a Buffy Marathon coming on!